01July2013..... That is the day that my life changed.
Between 0900 and 1015, while sitting in the doctors office with my amazingly busy 3.5 year old, three words hit my heart like an A-Bomb. Autism Spectrum Disorder. Yeah...we have all heard them words before, but until they are given to you in a doctors office while you are holding your child, they don't hold much punch... yesterday... I got KNOCKED THE F@%K OUT by those 3 words. I thought I was prepared for it... I told myself it wasn't going to change anything no matter what. I lied to myself in the worst way.....
For over a year now, my husband and I have known something wasn't 'right' with our Little Dude. His speech was no longer progressing in a 'normal' way, he wasn't interacting with other children in a 'normal' way, his reaction to different situations was different than 'normal'. Nothing huge, just little things were a bit 'off'. No big deal, right...... he is so much like his Dad, and these are things that his Dad still does to this day.... We can explain this away easily. Our Little Dude is just an awesome kid, if he doesn't like to do this, that's fine with us, we will find something that he does like to do. He will start talking when he is ready and has something really important to say. Crowds bother both his parents, why wouldn't they bother him too.... ect.... Yeah, we have explained it away very well.... We knew we were fooling ourselves, and we told ourselves it didn't matter, he is our Little Dude and we ADORE who he is EXACTLY how he is.
So what brought us to this doctors office, you ask.... Well, the kid can't start school if he can't talk.... So yeah, we will go and get him into a bit of speech therapy, and he will be golden... No biggy.. He is smart and quick, this little issue will be worked out quick as can be, then we can go back to our 'normal'. First stop...His pediatrician... She asks a billion and one questions then hands me a bunch of paperwork to have him evaluated and sends us on our marry way.....
First evaluation: Shandy Clinic.. we walk in, things are nice, the evaluator plays with him, asks questions, then a week later we are told he has small motor skills delay... Wow...didn't even notice it much. Okay, no biggy right.... Occupational Therapy for 50 mins 3 times a week, we got this.... He has 3 different therapists, he loves all 3 of them, he is progressing quickly with his small motor skills, and hey, he is even picking up a lot more words... This is a good deal.....
Second evaluation: Doctors Medical Group..... we have to wait for MONTHS to actually be seen here.. And we aren't even 100% sure what kind of screening this is for... Behavioral is what we find out... They are going to screen him for ADHD, them kinds of things is what I am told when I call and ask.... Okay, no biggy. He is kinda crazy from time to time.... Nothing to worry about, right... this will get us one more step closer to getting him into the speech therapy that he needs.. That's the reason we started this whole thing, right?... Gotta jump through the hoops to get from point A to point B when dealing with insurance companies, right..... oh how we fool ourselves.. The Doctor and her assistant come into the room, sit on the floor and play with him, they take little notes on their little note pads, explain to us what each 'game' is supposed to show them, and we go on our marry way..
And now it is 01July2012....... The ASD bomb has been dropped. And I am swimming in the wreckage of emotion that I was TOTALLY unprepared for. Last week, the hubs and I talked, we both had suspicions, especially after having professionals point out things we didn't notice or just didn't think were big issues. We were mainly thinking Little Dudes biggest issue was something closer to Social Anxiety Disorder, it runs in the hubs family pretty strongly. It 'might' be Autism...but we doubt it... but even if it is, it's no big deal... He is super functional, except for his speech, and anything they tell us can be handled. Nothing they say can or will change anything...We got this.... Our family and friends have been asking about his progress for months now, we have used that word many times, as a small possibility, but it was no big deal... he is our Little Dude, everyone that knows him LOVES him.... he is a DAMN AWESOME FUN KID..... Oh how the mighty fall...
I only remember a few things the Doctor said after she way-laid me... Fully Functional.....therapy..... chromosomal testing... Pediatric Neurologist..... yeah.. they are still a blur...well more like a fog... I can see them, hear them, but I'm still not able to process them all just yet. I call the hubs, who couldn't get off work, tell him what was said...although I really can't remember much about that call except for the huge hole in my chest that continued to get bigger and bigger as each second passed. Make another call to his OT to let them know the diagnosis in case they have to change his program up before he goes in next. Then I am home....
I don't exactly know when the tears started to fall, I wasn't crying really, not what I would consider crying (yeah....I know how to cry when I need too.... that all out UGLY cry with the snot flying and everything), the tears were just falling... like someone had turned on a faucet and was just letting it run. They may have started on the drive over... I did notice the gate guard giving me a strange look when he checked my ID. I also remember Little Dude wiping my face when I was taking him out of his car seat. But he touches my face all the time, so who knows. The only thing I totally remember feeling is the need to have my husband by my side to catch me when I broke and the need to hear my little brothers voice to let me know that I will survive this aperture in my chest.
I am still alive here on D-Day +1... I haven't broke yet, but it is building. I got to talk to my brother, I would like to say that I felt better afterwards, but I don't want to lie to myself anymore. The phone calls will start today. gotta figure out which of these steps I have written on this paper is the first step.
My son has Autism...The long road starts today, but how do you start a long journey when you still have colossal hole in your chest.... one step at a time, that's how.... tears rolling and all... just one step at a time..... even if you have to crawl....
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Monday, February 13, 2012
All is forgiven......NOT!
So I was just sitting here talking to a friend and the topic of Whitney Houston's resent death came up. This is a rough topic for me cuz I have a pretty hard stand on such things.... Here is goes.
Whitney Houston was given a gift of voice, she was beautiful and her voice spoke to many. She CHOSE to throw it all away for a crack pipe. NO ONE can say that they didn't know the risks of doing drugs. So when someone chooses to do drugs and they die, I don't feel much compassion for them. For their families...YES... but not for their death. It to me is something that was expected. I am reading all the OMG I can't believe she is dead posts on FB and it about makes me sick. If you would have brought her name up to half the ppl that say such things a week ago, they would have talked shit about her and her crack pipe. Now the world is gonna come to an end because she is no longer in it.... It reminds me of when Michael Jackson died..... Really folks.... I am the FIRST to say what an amazing artist he was. His music will live on forever. His life was too short and he deserved a better childhood than what he got BUT least we forget that this man was also accused of child molestation MANY MANY MANY MANY times over again. Such things get forgotten so quickly when we are talking about someone in the music industry. Have any of those that are weeping in the streets thought about the victims? I doubt it. As these ppl stand there weeping, would they allow their child to stay the night with this man if he were still alive??? GAWD I hope not... The world of music lost a lot the day WH picked up her first crack pipe, as they lost a lot when MJ stopped putting out albums YEARS before he passed. It is the families of these ppl that have suffered, and they began suffering a long time before the deaths. Before ppl start getting all OMG about this post look at it THIS way......
Many of the priests that have been accused of child molestation were also never convicted. Should these priests be idolized in the public eye when they are dead because they did Gods work? Should events and fundraisers be held in their name for what they did? Do the victims deserve to see the person that took away their childhood made out to be some type of angel on earth? I think not.
Neither of these ppl laid down their lives for another and do not deserve to be treated as heroes. YES they were amazing artists, YES they made the world a prettier place for awhile.... But remember as you are putting ppl in God status. There are more deserving ppl out there that are being ignored DAILY.
Sorry if my opinions upset anyone.... No one forced you to be here to read it... This is MY opinion, right or wrong, agree or disagree...I stand by every word.
Whitney Houston was given a gift of voice, she was beautiful and her voice spoke to many. She CHOSE to throw it all away for a crack pipe. NO ONE can say that they didn't know the risks of doing drugs. So when someone chooses to do drugs and they die, I don't feel much compassion for them. For their families...YES... but not for their death. It to me is something that was expected. I am reading all the OMG I can't believe she is dead posts on FB and it about makes me sick. If you would have brought her name up to half the ppl that say such things a week ago, they would have talked shit about her and her crack pipe. Now the world is gonna come to an end because she is no longer in it.... It reminds me of when Michael Jackson died..... Really folks.... I am the FIRST to say what an amazing artist he was. His music will live on forever. His life was too short and he deserved a better childhood than what he got BUT least we forget that this man was also accused of child molestation MANY MANY MANY MANY times over again. Such things get forgotten so quickly when we are talking about someone in the music industry. Have any of those that are weeping in the streets thought about the victims? I doubt it. As these ppl stand there weeping, would they allow their child to stay the night with this man if he were still alive??? GAWD I hope not... The world of music lost a lot the day WH picked up her first crack pipe, as they lost a lot when MJ stopped putting out albums YEARS before he passed. It is the families of these ppl that have suffered, and they began suffering a long time before the deaths. Before ppl start getting all OMG about this post look at it THIS way......
Many of the priests that have been accused of child molestation were also never convicted. Should these priests be idolized in the public eye when they are dead because they did Gods work? Should events and fundraisers be held in their name for what they did? Do the victims deserve to see the person that took away their childhood made out to be some type of angel on earth? I think not.
Neither of these ppl laid down their lives for another and do not deserve to be treated as heroes. YES they were amazing artists, YES they made the world a prettier place for awhile.... But remember as you are putting ppl in God status. There are more deserving ppl out there that are being ignored DAILY.
Sorry if my opinions upset anyone.... No one forced you to be here to read it... This is MY opinion, right or wrong, agree or disagree...I stand by every word.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Making MY world a better place!
So those of you who actually know me IRL know that I volunteer a lot. I personally LOVE to complain, but I am a firm believer that if you aren't part of the solution then you are part of the problems. That being said, if there is something I have a problem with, I get involved to try to help make it better. You noticed I said 'try'. Some times things are just too screwed up for little ol me to fix, but it doesn't mean that I don't try my hardest. AND, if I am 'trying' then I can bitch, whine, and moan to my hearts content!
I also get involved in programs/organizations that I think really do GOOD for my community. If there is an organization that I am interested in, then I join and do all I can. I am not saying that I have my hand in everything in our area because I truly DON'T. Right now, I am involved in our FRG (Family Readiness Group) and the VFW Ladies Axillary (locally) and via email I am involved in AnySoldier.com. There are other orgs that do great work, but to do my best I have to prioritize. Families are my focus and both orgs are great for families. Within those 2 groups I try to be where I am most needed. I am currently heading up a canned food drive for our Battalion. ***IF YOU ARE IN THE AREA PLEASE DONATE***.
As the (CO) FRG leader for Billy's Company, I try to get families involved in activities and do what I can to help them with anything they may need to make the upcoming deployment a successful one (I am sad to say that I fail @ this a lot, but I do keep trying). Deployments are so very hard on each family and in so many different ways. I feel that we as Military Families need to help one another because no one but other Military Families TRULY understand how we feel and what we go through on a daily basis during the deployment cycle (pre, and post included).
The Military Family is so amazingly resilient and strong, but we as humans do need help from time to time. I can't help but put myself in a position to lend a hand if/when I am needed, because I KNOW there were times during the last deployment that I would not have made it through w/out a friend or two to hold me together when life hit me between the eyes! BTW, Thanks again, Battles! You know who you are!
Now when it comes to the VFW LAX, I am totally new and am pretty unsure as to what I am supposed to be doing just yet. I hold an appointed position as the Post Advisor-Liaison w/VFW and am waiting on a detailed position description and a 'brief' of sorts to outline my responsibilities, which I should be getting any time now. I am so super excited to be involved with such a wonderful organization.
The VFW honors Soldiers and the LAX honors the Families of those same Soldiers. I feel that even though the families aren't in the Military, they still 'serve' just the same. We are the ones that hold it all together so the Soldiers have something to come home too. I know that some may feel differently but sometimes being the family member left behind is harder than being the Soldier down range in a war zone. Not always, but sometimes. Please do not confuse me with one of those wife that run around with the bumper sticker that says 'Military Wife, Hardest Job in the Military' cuz I am NOT! That saying drives me up a wall EVERY TIME I see it! I just feel that sometimes being left behind is harder than leaving, that's about it.
Well that's about it for making my world a better place..... Until next time and next topic!
Melinda
I also get involved in programs/organizations that I think really do GOOD for my community. If there is an organization that I am interested in, then I join and do all I can. I am not saying that I have my hand in everything in our area because I truly DON'T. Right now, I am involved in our FRG (Family Readiness Group) and the VFW Ladies Axillary (locally) and via email I am involved in AnySoldier.com. There are other orgs that do great work, but to do my best I have to prioritize. Families are my focus and both orgs are great for families. Within those 2 groups I try to be where I am most needed. I am currently heading up a canned food drive for our Battalion. ***IF YOU ARE IN THE AREA PLEASE DONATE***.
As the (CO) FRG leader for Billy's Company, I try to get families involved in activities and do what I can to help them with anything they may need to make the upcoming deployment a successful one (I am sad to say that I fail @ this a lot, but I do keep trying). Deployments are so very hard on each family and in so many different ways. I feel that we as Military Families need to help one another because no one but other Military Families TRULY understand how we feel and what we go through on a daily basis during the deployment cycle (pre, and post included).
The Military Family is so amazingly resilient and strong, but we as humans do need help from time to time. I can't help but put myself in a position to lend a hand if/when I am needed, because I KNOW there were times during the last deployment that I would not have made it through w/out a friend or two to hold me together when life hit me between the eyes! BTW, Thanks again, Battles! You know who you are!
Now when it comes to the VFW LAX, I am totally new and am pretty unsure as to what I am supposed to be doing just yet. I hold an appointed position as the Post Advisor-Liaison w/VFW and am waiting on a detailed position description and a 'brief' of sorts to outline my responsibilities, which I should be getting any time now. I am so super excited to be involved with such a wonderful organization.
The VFW honors Soldiers and the LAX honors the Families of those same Soldiers. I feel that even though the families aren't in the Military, they still 'serve' just the same. We are the ones that hold it all together so the Soldiers have something to come home too. I know that some may feel differently but sometimes being the family member left behind is harder than being the Soldier down range in a war zone. Not always, but sometimes. Please do not confuse me with one of those wife that run around with the bumper sticker that says 'Military Wife, Hardest Job in the Military' cuz I am NOT! That saying drives me up a wall EVERY TIME I see it! I just feel that sometimes being left behind is harder than leaving, that's about it.
Well that's about it for making my world a better place..... Until next time and next topic!
Melinda
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Taking this one step @ a time!
So I was talking to a dear friend of mine back in the States and sharing an experience I had just had when she suggested that I start a blog so that she and others like her can get a bit of insight into my life and the lives of those that live as we do. So after much consideration here I go.......
My name is Melinda, I am married to a US Soldier! I take GREAT pride in everything that he does and all that he stands for. My husband is the most Honorable man (human being) I know! We currently are living in Baumholder Germany and love love loving it! Germany has always been a dream of mine and now I am living here. WOW talk about hitting the jackpot, huh?! A full blog on Bill will be posted sometime!
Billy and I have a son together. We had a really hard time getting pregnant as I have PCOS resulting in infertility. I am also of 'advanced maternal age' being over 35 (don't feel very advanced but hey, it's the medical fields term, not mine). After over a year of 'trying' (wasn't much trying as Billy was deployed to Iraq for 18 months) we went to a reproductive endocrinologist. 12 months of infertility treatments and 1 miscarriage later, we finally got pregnant with 'T' and 2 others who did not progress. A full blog on this topic will surely be posted as I love talking about this too!
I have VERY strong opinions that sometimes contradict each other and I can't really explain how/why I feel the way I do. I just do, and that's the way it is. Like everyone else, my life experiences have molded me into who I am today. I have been on so many different sides of the fence, I have learned that the greener grass is an optical illusion, and objects in the rear view mirror are closer than they appear!
Enjoy!
Melinda
I have VERY strong opinions that sometimes contradict each other and I can't really explain how/why I feel the way I do. I just do, and that's the way it is. Like everyone else, my life experiences have molded me into who I am today. I have been on so many different sides of the fence, I have learned that the greener grass is an optical illusion, and objects in the rear view mirror are closer than they appear!
Enjoy!
Melinda
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